


what do i gotta do (to make you stay)

by mintpearlvoice



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Trust Issues, Undercover as Married, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 19:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintpearlvoice/pseuds/mintpearlvoice
Summary: Jyn is used to people abandoning her and scared of her feelings for Cassian as a result- she wants to be the one who leaves first, and doesn't believe that he truly loves her. An undercover mission to a resort planet forces them to talk about their feelings.





	what do i gotta do (to make you stay)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estelraca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelraca/gifts).



> Jyn's dress in this fic is the Dior gown Felicity Jones wore to the 2017 Oscars.  
> Also, the planet Jyn & Cassian visit in this fic is a canonical Star Wars planet! The Imperial agent they meet up with has a canon name, but is a character who only had one line.

“You here to stay, Jyn? It would be a pleasure having you around again,” he’d asked her, but she’d just shrugged.  
“You know me. Just here to drop off some intel and train the new recruits, then I'm back to working on my own.”  
He tried to take her hand, but she pulled away. “You know, Jyn, I'm not the only one who misses you. Bodhi and everyone-”  
“Great. I don't miss people.”

After that, he hadn’t seen her until their mission briefing.  
  
They'd all decided to stay with the rebellion, everyone except Jyn.  
She'd stayed for a day, refusing medical treatment in favor of some black market stimulants from her own private stash, and left before dawn. He kept seeing her around the base- Jyn showing wide-eyed trainees how to dismantle an Imperial landmine, practicing her blaster aim late at night- a beautiful ghost in the corner of his eye. She took dangerous missions and worked alone.  
Would they ever talk about what had happened between them? What was she running from?  
  
“It's an easy job,” Leia had told him. “Go, blend in, meet your contact. This part of the planet is full of couples, so that’ll be an easy way to have two agents on this one.”

As Cassian piloted to their meetup point, Jyn emerged from the ship’s fresher.

“Well? Think I’ll blend in?”

Jyn in a Naboo formal gown. He figured it would be a stretch, but they’d manage, even if she came across as new money to the other people on the resort planet. Instead-  


In the midst of a war zone, with dirt and blood mixing in streaks across her face, her hair sweaty and stringy and tumbling from its ponytail, dressed in oversized muddy fatigues, Jyn Erso had been so beautiful it tore out his heart.  
Now?  
She was a vision.  
Chestnut hair swept back and glossy, lips coral pink; her dress silver and white tulle dusted with slight glitter, its full skirt and wrap bodice delicately swathing her torso, leaving her toned arms bare.  
And that neckline grazing her small, perfect breasts. She could kill a man just looking the way she did, without even touching a weapon.  
She looked innocent yet untouchable, pure shimmering stardust.  
 He swallowed. Tried to remember how to talk.  
"Okay," he managed. "You'll blend in nicely. That's, er, good."  
"You clean up pretty adequately yourself," she teased, skirt rustling as she brushed past him. "I'd say you almost look decent."  
How could anyone exist unaltered in a universe that contained Jyn's smile? (Still too thin and pale, though. He wanted to wrap her in a few sheepskins, plunk her down by a heater, and feed her cinnamon pastries, although she'd probably rip out his spine for trying.)

 

Jyn couldn't help but stifle the idea that everything about him existed just to drive her mad.  
For example, his hair. Had he grown it out to that shaggy, cheekbone-framing length just to give her the urge to smoosh her face into those perfect dark waves? And- with the entire galaxy simmering in open war- how had he been able to find an exquisitely tailored charcoal suit?  
His lean, athletic body: unfair. His broad shoulders and long legs: very unfair.  
And the way his marvelously brown eyes sparkled whenever he regarded her?  
That was the most unfair of all!  
She felt like the single loyal spy in a corrupt network. Her mind was completely focused. But her heart? Her body? Traitors feeding false information. Working together to sell her out.  
  
The flight through hyperspace was over too quickly. Soon they were landing on the planet… and even if they weren’t in a confined space anymore, they’d be stuck with each other.

Stuck with his kind eyes and clever hands and the way he knew her next move before she made it. Stuck with the one man she kept coming back to, no matter how hard she tried to run away and stay gone.

Spira was as beautiful as Scarif had been: ribbons of trees, lush white-gold beaches, and kilometer-wide palace hotels.  
"Where are we heading?"  
"Inland."  
Peering over his shoulder, she did some quick math. "River Sector, then?"  
"You know Spira?"  
"I've been around the Galaxy a couple times, Endor. I know my way around everywhere."  
Jyn had visited one of Spira's other continents as a child with her family- back when she still believed people could be trusted, that people could stay.  
"How many hotels are they up to now, anyway?"  
"Four thousand, five hundred something? And twice as many bars and places to eat, plus miles of waterfront. That's why their Imperial Garrison is mostly staffed by high ranking officials who need a vacation- like our defector. They'll pass by our table about an hour into the evening."  
  
He guided the ship to a textbook landing and Jyn popped the door.  
“Here. Let me help you down.”  
She didn't want to get used to this. To anyone helping her with anything.  
Not even the man who had stolen into her dreams and saved her life.  
Except...  
It was for the mission, she thought, and momentarily slackened her control over her heart.  
“Thanks.” She smiled up at him.  
At least for one night, she could pretend there was someone in her life who wouldn't abandon her. That he would keep the promises he'd made in the moments they thought they were about to die.

People drifted by in gondolas, laughing as musicians serenaded them from the shore; two drunk people tried to waltz with each other on a walkway and nearly tumbled in. Streetlights shone in the rippling water like a mirror of the stars.

He put his arms around her and pulled her close, murmuring as if he was saying words of love. “We're heading to a place called the Red Camaròn. They've changed the name, changed the sign, but it was Alderaanian-Festian fusion when I was here last. Our contact, Imre Talberen- she had a secret wife who was stationed on Alderaan when the blast hit.”  
Of course. The Empire never flinched from sacrificing its own, Jyn thought. “Go on,” she cooed, leaning closer so that he could hide his whispers behind her hair.  
“Imre's high-ranking enough to request her own postings, so she's currently one of our best sources of intel in this sector of Imperial space.”  
“This wouldn't be the Imre you've called a bloodthirsty, chronologically challenged spice addict?” Jyn teased in his ear.  
She felt, rather than heard, the low rumble of his warm laugh. “That's unfair. I prefer to  think of her as a loyal bloodthirsty chronologically challenged spice addict who gives good intel. If she's sober enough to show up, we can trust her.”

  
He ushered her into the bar. Instantly, she started assessing it. If I wanted to fight someone in here, I wouldn't go for the wall of glittering bottles behind the dark wood bar- I'd shoot down the gold chandelier and use that red velvet curtain as a cover, Jyn decided. They went through to the deck and sat at a little table that looked out at the river.  
Jyn made a show of smelling the flowers, but didn't bring them close enough to breathe; she was just checking them against her knowledge of poisonous fauna in this sector of space. _And the vase is glass, not plastic. If I broke it, I could absolutely stab someone with it- or, no, I'd want to throw it so they'd slip on the glass._ There were also some small tea lights burning on the table. Fire always made a good distraction to cover an escape.  
“I asked them to make it as romantic as possible,” Cassian said, pulling out her chair.  
She’d survived decades on her own, depending on no one, killing and hiding with equal ease… so why did his sweet gestures affect her so much? “It's very nice.”  
Right. They weren't here to kill someone. This was allegedly a date.

And she’d try not to get too attached to the way he looked at her, the way he leaned in to listen to everything she had to say. This was a mission, not forever.

Because Jyn knew she wasn’t the kind of girl who made people stay.

A cool breeze wafted off the water, and she tried not to shiver. He was observant enough to catch her, though.

 

“Have you been eating while you were away?” he asked casually, though she knew he noticed everything.  
“Enough,” she said: sweet, evasive, because she couldn't get away with saying no. When you were sabotaging an entire stormtrooper training academy, you lived on their rations; when you were poisoning their rations, you tried living on nothing.  
“Hey,” he said, and slipped out of his suit jacket to drape it around her shoulders. “You don’t have to be cold, you know? Not when I’m here.”  
It smelled like him. _Wish I could be wrapped up in him always. His scent on my bare skin._ There it was again: the wanting she'd so desperately tried to avoid.  


A waiter came to the table, balancing a dozen tiny dishes on a hovering tray.  
“They're tasting plates. I didn't know what you liked, so this way you can have a little of everything. The fish here are excellent- as are the desserts.”  
Black rice flavored with squid ink and sweet paprika, simmered in olive oil and seafood broth. Tiny fried silver fish, completely boneless, that popped flavor in her mouth as the crispy skin crunched. Then cheese baked with nuts and sugar, and baked custard with a layer of soft caramel on top. The flavors burst across her mouth, and she couldn't help letting out a delighted gasp. This was amazing. She couldn't remember the last time she'd tasted anything so fresh, so good. When she looked up, Cassian was smiling at her.  
  
“What? Why are you looking at me?”  
“Maybe I like seeing you happy. Is that such a transgression?”  
“You know me. I live to break rules,” she quipped back. She took off her high-heeled sandals and put her feet on the table, and he cracked up.   
  
There it was again. That feeling of safety.  
_No, Jyn. He held you on the beach when he thought you were both about to die. Won't a second chance on life mean a second chance to rethink things?_  
Whatever you thought you felt, it was the impulse of a man convinced he had seconds to live. There's no way he wants you for real. He's not going to stay. Be a kyber crystal: hard and strong.  
And yet. The desire to tempt herself with something she could never have, could never earn. With someone who would never stay.  


Don't eat too much at once, you'll make yourself sick, Jyn knew from long experience. Still, she couldn't help eying the rest of the food longingly.  
“We'll take the leftovers with us, if you like it so much.”  
She nodded. “Try some. It's amazing.”  
She held out a teeny fried fish, expecting he'd just take it normally. Instead, he leaned forward.  
His tongue curled against her fingers as he deliberately sucked the fish from her hand.  
Jyn tried not to gasp as heat curled in her belly... tried not to wonder what else he could do with that deft mouth.  
He chewed. Swallowed.  
Did he know how fast her heart was beating right now?  
“You're right,” he said, smiling. “This is incredible. Best thing I've ever tasted.”  
It's just for the mission. With a slow, gentle gesture, she pushed a lock of hair back, exposing her bare ear, and returned his smile.  


The door opened with a crash, and a woman staggered into the main bar area. Through the open door, Jyn could just glimpse her: a sleek cap of dark hair, a fine Imperial uniform, and a crooked scowl.

“I want a large glass of the best drink you have,” she declared, swaying forward.

The bartender cowered visibly. “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve intoxicated people.”

“This is bantha poodoo. You disrespect me, you disrespect the empire-“ Without even looking, she shot down the chandelier and sprinted onto the deck. She stumbled against several tables, including theirs.

“Excuse me,” Cassian said pointedly, setting her back upright. Only Jyn noticed the data disk that slipped from her hand to his pocket as he did so.

“Screw this place. I don’t want a drink anyway- see, I’m practically sober,” she said loudly, and executed a perfect swan dive into the river, surfacing only to take potshots at a few boats of tourists while cackling with glee at their shrieks.

“Like I said, Imre’s kind of a mess, but she gets the job done,” Cassian whispered under the guise of gathering Jyn into his lap.

Why was he doing that? Was it to present a smaller target? _It’s for the mission_ was the only way she could tolerate feeling so warm, so safe.

  
A waiter ran to their table, wringing his hands. “Very sorry about the inconvenience. You know how these officers can get when they’re off-duty. They work very hard to keep our Empire safe, after all- it’s no surprise they get a bit rowdy… um, can I get you two anything?”  
“Everything I need is right here,” he said, gesturing to Jyn. It wasn't just the coat and the heat his sleek body radiated that made her feel warm.  
“You two are such a cute couple. If you don’t mind me asking, how long ago have you been married?”

We’re not married, Jyn was about to say, but Cassian jumped in first.

“A year and two months. We joke that romance is like a plague in my friend group, since my best friend has been about to propose for a while- he met the woman of his dreams right after I met my Kira.”  
He spun a story about a music festival on one of the core worlds, a tropical planet known for its frequent warm rains, and two people finding each other in a crowd of thousands: helping to care for a friend who’d gone on a bad trip, then making a trek all the way across the festival to pick up someone’s keys from lost and found. Sneaking backstage, running from festival security, setting off fireworks... Jyn acted a little drunker and more tired than she really was, leaning against him as she scanned the street and the river for danger through half-closed eyes.

“So when did you realize you wanted to marry her?”

“After it was over- in that whole crowd of drunk staggering people, somehow we made it out to this local beach. Well, I say they were drunk, but I wasn't so steady on my feet myself. We fell together and just let the waves, the sound of the waves, wash over us. The setting sun was as bright as anything. Her eyes were like stardust. We couldn't stop laughing, crying, I don't know. And it's not like I believe in any of that mumbo jumbo you hear old folks talk about sometimes. But... I felt something when I looked at her, when I held her. When she held me.  
Right there, I could've spent the rest of my life on that beach with that woman.”  
Suddenly Jyn felt like this was all coming too close to the truth. Of course, the best lies had a grain of truth in them, but… Would Cassian really have wanted to stay? With her? She didn’t dare let herself want him. “You're a silly romantic. No one wants to hear you ramble on about how we met.”  
“Ah, I think it was sweet,” the waiter said.   


 

“Jyn,” he said, catching up to her as they headed back into the resistance base. “If you want me to leave you alone, I will. You don’t have to feel the same way as I do- I mean, I respect that. You’re a valued colleague, a friend…”  
“Listen. Andor.”  
“Call me Cass.”  
“Cassian.” She took a deep breath, let it out. Maybe if she told him the truth, he would understand why she intended to make her escape. “I'm not... people don't stay. With me. They decide I'm expendable, or that I would be an interference, or that I'm too dangerous to have around. They just walk away from me and never come back. So I'm self-sufficient. I don't need people, I don't get attached. I don't care when they leave because I leave first. Every time I'm with you, I think about staying. One day I won't be able to make myself leave first. I'll stay, and you'll leave me. And I am not fucking ready for that kind of pain. Listen to me, Cassian: stop making me want.” She prodded him in the chest, but he caught her hand.  
  
“The only way I'd ever leave you would be so I could come home from you. If anything tore us apart, I'd spend every minute trying to be with you again. Thinking of you. Dreaming of you. Nothing in the Galaxy would make me leave. Death, maybe. But I think you'd feel me. I know I would feel you. What do I have to do to-“ Jyn felt a slight tug at her other wrist. She looked down; while she was distracted, he’d cuffed her to a pipe. “Wait, I have an idea. Stay right there. Don't move.”  
  
“These are cheap shitty handcuffs!” Jyn yelled.  
“For five minutes, they'll hold!” he called back, jogging off.   
She could pick the lock in half that. Whatever he had in mind, she wasn't sticking around to find out.  
That gentle smile had tempted her a little too much; she needed to put distance between them before she lost her nerve.  
  
Cassian skidded into the bunk where Kes Dameron was fastening his flight jacket. “Dameron, genius, war hero, light of my life. Give me that ring.”  
“What ring,” Kes, a better pilot than he would ever be a liar, said unconvincingly.   
“The one you've been saving for three months now, no I won't tell her, you keep touching your pocket every time she's around. I'll give it back. I'll pay you. Anything. Just- the ring.”  
“You don't mean-“  
“If she'll have me? Force, yes.”

He sighed and tossed it over.

Jyn was gone, the handcuffs dangling empty- but Cassian had a hunch where she’d be. He found her at the far end of the base, busily hijacking a landspeeder. “Jyn! Get out of that landspeeder.”  
“I'll steal you a better one,” she called back.   
“Or you could marry me.”

  
Jyn had learned five hundred ways to kill a stormtrooper when she was still a child. She could live off reconstituted algae and recycled water inside the air vents of an Imperial base for a month without being caught. And she never cried, not even when she'd been shot.  
But he climbed towards her, looking up at her with those beautiful dark eyes, and said softly:  
  
“Marry me. I love you, Jyn Erso, my kyber-heart star, and I always will.”  
He meant it, Jyn realized. And the woman known as one of the rebellion's two greatest heroes covered her face with her hands and started to cry, finally accepting what she'd realized that moment on the beach: after a lifetime of running and searching, she was finally home. 


End file.
